Currently Listening In the Shadow of Two Gunmen see related

untitled 01

ummm haven't updated in a week. kind of bored. at zachary's and it's 1:37 in the morning and he's in bed. he's got a big day of football ahead of him. so...wait is tommorow thursday? hrm do i have to work tommorow? i can't remember. crap. i should prolly check that out in the morning. but yeah. i wrote your name and burned it to see the color of the flames, and it burned out the whole spectrum as if you were everything. mine just burned gold, a normal flame, i am not anything...

we don't know when our bonfire/show is going to be but hopefully soon. we gots a few weeks to prepare and we're getting a lot done when we do get ne thing done. we still needs to get our covers down. though we do have one pretty well. our arsenal of songs to play is growing. we went from like 1 to 3 to like 4 back down to 3 and then we have like 2 more started andi think we have like 4 or 5 finished so....we're getting better at the whole writing process. i think i'm definately improving in my writing. i'll leave u 2 examples. 2 of my current favorites (very pop punk).

yeah. so girls...w/e. i have a very love/hate relationship w/ them. a lot of the time they're very dissapointing. but when they're not. it's great and it's probably one of the best feelings ever next to like music. go figure. but yeah i am the vein you can't expose. can you live with what you've chosen? i have chosen to sleep it off another week. pray the lord my soul to keep, and i'll keep this...

that was the forecast. a golden nugget of a band from indiana. and they're invading my brain w/ awesome tunes. you are the feeling i can't forget, and i'll beg for forgiveness. so come home quickly but please drive safely. come home in one piece. just say that you miss me and please come quickly cause i just want you in my arms...

i'm also obsessed with heroine right now. the album not the drug. from first to last are awesome. and if ignorance is bliss than eradicate my knowledge of my history. shame shame on me.

yeah. went to the fair today. twas fun. dramatic and random. saw a lot of people i like. and a lot i dislike. and i was depressed by the end of the night.but here's my new crazy pop punk songs.

you are innocent, that's what i like about you

bite your tounge until it bleeds and swallow just enough silence to make you sick.cause you're falling all over yourself to not fall for me. and i just thought that feeling ill may stop your wishful thinking.so ask yourself when that star shoots across the sky, just what are you wishing that i was him or that he was me?

just lie to yourself as you lay next to me. that closed lip kisses don't mean anything. and you may never be wrong but that doesn't mean i'm not right for you.

and i hate to tell you this, but gentlemen, they are a dying breed. all that is left is tall, dark, and boring. cause you won't find substance in boys in mens clothing. so ask yourself when that star shoots across the sky, what are you wishing, that i was him or that he was me?

smile! you're dead

if loose lips sink ships than consider me the vessell lost at sea and you the iceberg that found me. cause i'm the only boy to ever take heartbreak like a knife to the gut and live to tell the story. and it would be in your best interest to pack up and leave town, change your name, and dye your hair. revenge is a dish best served cold so consider this a lesson best learned.

i swear no one will ever feel this way again. cause i know you inside-out and it won't be long before i have you buried alive for this. so here's to you princess...

and if looks could kill than you'd already be dead. cause i'd stare at you like it was the latest fashion. so kiss and tell trick, because if i may remind you, secrets don't make friends and girls like you could always use one. wearing your make-up like you started the trend and never keeping your legs shut cause it's almost as much fun as lying.

cause we are the boys that feel like dirt. kicked around and walked on. but you've gone too far this time. and there's no such thing as love at first sight, i had to learn that the hard way. but what goes around comes around and comes around hard.

Currently Listening Commit This to Memory By Motion City Soundtrack see related

moshi moshi

so on august 21st zachary and i will be playing a very precocious (pretentious? idk) show at the hurst home. it will be  a six or seven song set consisting of at least three originals (hopefully more by then) and a few covers of our most favorite of tunes. just bear in mind that i'd give up forever to touch you cause you're the closest to heaven that i'll ever be. so if you'd like to come out and watch say something. be there or be square.

so yeah....not a lot has happened, but yet so much has. it's crazy. and vague. ummmmmmm.. let's just say that i am such a sucker for anything complicated. i am like instinctively drawn to anything that is doomed from the start. it's ridiculous. so i guess i can blame my so called bad luck more on my bad choices. cause honestly. whenever any of you hear about the people i like or am interested in. is the first thing that comes to your mind. "yeah, that could work out." or is it "hrm, that's really complicated. she has a b/f, parents that hate you, sibling friends of yours, she lives six states away, she doesn't even speak the same language as you, she's definately doesn't know your name and...." you know that sort of thing. to be completely honest i could see myself getting into a situation like that. but alas. makes for interesting conversations....

so where is your boy tonight? i hope he is a gentleman. maybe he won't find out what i know. you were the last good thing about this part of town...you need him, i could be him. i could be an accident but i'm still trying and that's more than i can say for him.

i love fall out boy. i also love motion city soundtrack and dashboard confessional. why? because i've felt like very anxious and awkward and romantic lately. why? because i'm a fucking boy and she makes me feel like it's raining outside. thats why.

on a lighter note our weatherman jack died today....godspeed.

collateral damage

we are the boys they call disconsolate, (a lost cause)
and your countenence is a sight for sore eyes.
so build yourself a house of regrets that is sturdy,
and call it "home" for a short while.
then knock out that plain cornerstone,
i'll hold up your perfectly frayed life.
we are the boys that feel mildly pathetic,
dreaming of atlantic coastlines and sunswept inlets.
we plot our courses out on globes and atlases
though we have no taste for things like vacations.

collateral damage.

we are the boys with year around colds,
our heads constantly ache and our throats are always sore.
and this emptiness in my chest cavity is chronic
i say we crack it open and fill it with something warm
like summer kisses and midnight stars.
call me a hypochondriac, i'll just call it romantic.
cause we are the boys that can't expand our horizons
and see the sun set on beaches on pacific islands.
so we spend our midwestern nights reading and writing
in diaries about our childish dreams and aspirations
though we have no taste for things like vacations.

collateral damage.

we are the boys that miss you to death.

stop me if you think that you've heard this one before...

i liked my last post, very crazy and random. it was fun. got a lot of things out there.

well yeah. i've been having a lot of thes late night conversations lately. and i'm not sure what they're really doing for me besides sending my nerves all to hell and screwing up my sleep patterns. i hear your angel voice, and it makes me feel so nice, until i get let down. but i can bend and not break. or i can break and take it with a smile. but ony for you...

i've had this bastard of a cold for a few days now. and i've been taking this stuff called chloraseptic. it told me it could take the place of those pills, i asked it who it was going to call tonight. an ocean blue, painted white... pace the backroads outside your house like that's where you want to be. i only sleep beneath you cause that's where i belong...

look at this again. all tired scream safe haven. i'm an addict for dramatics, and it screws me over in the end. or should i say "i" screw myself over in the end. but i never made a scene. they came to me.

last night i dreamt that somebody loved me. but the killing moon has come too soon. and the buffalo bill dancing music from the silence of the lambs is very creepy. i shall continue downloading it.

love is self-destructive
hate is a contradiction
indiference is without structure
distractions save lives
romance is elusive
what are you waiting for?

so i just had a very interesting convo about love and i've come to these simple conclusions:

love is fascinating because it is the only thing in this world truely worth living for. we were not put on earth to work these stupid 9 to 5 dead end jobs. we were not put on earth to be controlled by a corrupt self serving government. and we were not put here to serve something that contradicts itself ten million times (thats a discussion for another day). it's to find someone that makes you feel like being a better person. it's to find someone that you feel so comfortable with that you don't have to worry about what they think ne more b/c you know they couldn't hurt you. and cynics try to say love isn't worth it b/c of the pain you feel when you get your heartbroken. but they fail to remember when they're in love, how much the last time it hurt when they got their heart broken. why? b/c love outweighs the heartache.

having said this. i'm going to go be all despondent and negative listening to dashboard confessional and brand new.

morrissey put it best... to me you are a work of art

in complete disrepair
i wait around for a hint of hope
though i've tried a million times over
to talk myself out of you
i hope it hurts you to read this
just so i know you feel anything
this uncertain-goodbye
i tell myself a million times
(over and over)
this is the last time
but i'm just lying to myself
everything i just said
is nothing short of
"i love you"

so forfeit yourself. give me up. give me up. and make something more to your liking. a poet, oh prince. i don't think i'll ever come back down... i don't want you thinking i'm unhappy, cause what is closer to the truth, is that if i lived to be one hundred and two, just don't think i'll ever get over you

it was very odd when i shut down this site, and it didnt work. must be a sign. but this thing is done in a week if no one gives me a good reason to stay.

Currently Reading The Catcher in the Rye By J. D. Salinger see related

what derek would sound like tripping

you know how people appreciate things more when they're gone, and when you look back on things you wish you could've done something differently because you know now that that was the last time you would be with that person? well i wish we always knew when that last kiss was or that last talk on the phone was. so we'd appreciate it, and make the most of it. thats what i wish. but then again i am the wishful thinker with the worst intentions, but does anyone honestly believe this will be the last chance you get to drop my name? no, throughout the rise and fall everything changes, i will be here when you die.

this is possibly my last post. i have decided that in one week i'm going to shut this operation down. it is an excercise in futility. so now that you know this is possibly the last chance you have to say something to me on this. do it. make the most of it. regrets are just more baggage to carry and who wants that much to carry? not me. but at this point all i guess i can do is try honesty. so forgive me father, cry over me. die tragedy...cry agony...

this is nothing new, we were doomed from the start, but for starters why am i so desparately obvious? i'm not sure, but i wouldn't have it any other way. i take pleasure in being tragic and despondent. it makes dissapointment easier to handle. but we've been hurting a long time. a loooooooonnnnnnggggg time, trying hard for this. but please keep the crowd under control, this is a matter of life and death and we are not prepared, i just want you to know...this is an all time low.

let's hope this is out of my system by 8 o'clock, cause i've got a date with the night...the gold lion's going to show me where the light is, and take my hands out of control, if you tell me what you saw, i'll tell you what to do with subtlety. cause it's not your strongpoint. sometimes i swear i can see straight through you. but this doesnt feel like anything, anything? no everything, this feels like everything, but you know i always forget, so quick...

what a long strange trip this post has been. do you enjoy my melodramatics? i do. it humours me. keeps me sharp. cause it's our time to shine, through the dim. glorified by what is ours. but i've got my veins all tangled close, and all i want is everything i'm not. all i want is to break you down, is that too much to ask?

i think this is enough stupidity and tomfoolery for one friday morning. i'll go take two, and call you in the evening. i'll regret all of this by then. here i go with leaving you. but just in case i'll case this see you later instead of goodbye, cause you know how i do. here's something to think about....and it's tired so true, and more subtle than you. it's Brand New and it's Untitled 01, and it's the most beautiful combination of sentences and syllables ever. why is jesse lacey able to sum up my entire world? i can't even sum up my entire world. w lv y. w mss y. i lv y s mch t hrts m hd. vwls r ovrrtd. brnd nw mks msspllng fn n easy.

i wrote your name and burned it to see the color of the flames, and it burned out the whole spectrum as if you were everything. mine just burned gold, a normal flame, i am not anything. and all that i remember is the feeling of waking up. when we were kids you were the sun to which my eyes would not adjust. when we were kids i was the fountain you could never drink enough. then came all the boys who swept you up, played careless with your heart. and every night there was a new girl sitting beside me in my car. something dies when you grow older, but you do the best you can. i am glad you found a good man....

now off to bed. to wake up to regrets for posting exactly what i think without actually posting what i think. do not think i am crazy. i am just a romantic. a poet. oh prince, i don't think i'll ever come back down...

i sound crazier than holden caulfield... "i like you man you're crazy"

this letter is sealed with a kiss and a promise of a better life with a better view, i'd rather move than watch you. damn the gods...

~fin~